the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
