i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
