Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
