I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Threesome in a minivan. New low
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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