dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
