I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
