I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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