I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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