I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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