you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
