i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
