I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
