Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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