i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
