i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
