is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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