There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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