she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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