when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wish life had little blips of pornography
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
