halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
