Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
