He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have feelings that need drinking.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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