omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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