I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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