im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
