38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
