i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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