During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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