He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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