addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
