Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
