We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I intend to get homeless drunk
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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