will power is for people who don't want to get laid
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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