Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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