I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
