I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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