I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
