Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
