Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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