just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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