I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
