you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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