Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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