benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
