can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Church boner. Awkwardddd
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
