You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
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Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
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I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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