to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
