sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
