I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
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how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
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you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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