I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
