My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It was confusing and full of hummus
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
there is puke in my bra ... again
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
