Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
