I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
