he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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