How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
