Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
