I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
