$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
