So drunk, too bad you don't want this
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
