his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
