Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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