Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Someone came in the potted fern
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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