We're facebook friends in real life
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
