I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
