K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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