I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
