I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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