This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
you had me at cake vodka
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
