stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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