and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
