I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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