Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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