Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
