And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
