At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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