Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
