My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
