Jerry, you need to find god
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
