I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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