new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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